Exploring what life could be like if we weren’t buried in clutter, burdened with too many possessions, and surrounded by chaos.

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The invasion of the vacuum cleaner parts

January 13th, 2013 · No Comments · Excess of Possessions, Passing it on

While everyone at one time or another has encountered the unsolved mystery of sock loss, far fewer are aware of the much lesser known phenomenon of the rampant proliferation of vacuum cleaner attachments.

In this treatise, we will explore existing theories regarding vacuum cleaner attachment reproduction; the origins of said theories; the behavioral patterns of humans toward vacuum cleaner parts and their host vacuum cleaner; and how those behaviors affect outcomes.

Just kidding. We’re not going to do all that. But we can’t help but notice that they multiply like mitochondria. Or sea anemones. or something. Not like rabbits — you don’t even need to put two of them together for it to happen. The darn things just appear — all over the house, in the car, in the garage, in the back yard, even under the porch. One constantly finds them, fully formed, tucked into some niche among other junk.

This factoid can be proven by gradually assembling, all together in one spot, all the vacuum cleaner parts you find over a period of a few years — as I have done, shown in Figure A. See? if you count them out and sort them into sets, you come out with enough parts to outfit more vacuum cleaners than you’ve ever owned.

Don’t they look kind of deadly? Like armaments. There you have it. My ridiculously overkill arsenal against house dust. We needed an arms reduction plan.

So I put them into a large ziplock bag and donated them to that place where I took the ironing board, the magazine rack, and the extra vacuum cleaner last week. (see post)

I know for a fact that I’m not the only one with this problem, which is why I address it in my blog for the good of all mankind. Years ago I was taking my niece somewhere and we unloaded something out of her Mom’s car trunk to transfer it to mine, and some vacuum cleaner parts fell out, bouncing onto the asphalt — a couple of wand sections, an upholstery nozzle.

Suddenly, a scream pierced the air. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  NO00000!”

The poor girl was having some type of meltdown. “We got rid of those! Where do they come from? We keep taking them to Goodwill and they keep coming baaack! Hundreds of them! THEY…..ARE……EVERYWHEEEEEEEEERE!!”

Now, fifteen years later, healing has taken place and the event is lodged in her brain as a distant memory, triggered only occasionally as housecleaning needs arise.

It’s too bad it had to happen. But with today’s increasing understanding of asexual reproduction, paired with a solid commitment to decluttering, we can all sleep better knowing that such scenarios can be avoided henceforth.

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